Sky Atlantic - A Whole Ocean of Great Telly

In January our televisions were first graced with Dustin Hoffman advertising a new Sky channel. With a skyline behind him which is even more iconic than the man himself - the NYC vista - he told us about the importance of stories in that voice that has earned him millions. As the advertising campaign built up some bold promises were made. In February as the adverts (which began to become slightly incessant) came to a climax we were positively salivating with anticipation for what was potentially, a cracking new power tool in the extensive Sky shed. I am pleased to say that, so far, we haven't been disappointed.

Aside from repeating, old classics like The Sopranos, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Six Feet Under, it also boasted a line up of original programmes. From Martin Scorsese's Broadwalk Empire - epic, serious and expensive ($5 million per episode), Blue Bloods - cop drama set in 'New Yawk!' to the upcoming 'Bored To Death' - surreal private eye comedy with the Hangover's Ian, AKA Zach Galifianakis, a whole host of great, all American telly is being served up on a nightly basis.

But even though the Sky Atlantic menu is packed with some serious threats to your social life the one that is posing a clear and present to danger to mine is the brilliant Blue Bloods. Basically it is a good old fashioned cop drama, but there is some other stuff going on here which makes it stand out from the rest of the troops just a little.

The drama revolves around the Reagans, a New York family who all have various connections to the NPYD. First up there is Frank, the dad. He has risen up through the ranks to become Police Commissioner, the big daddy of the NYPD who is constantly being pissed off by the obnoxious mayor - is there any other kind of New York mayor? TV seems to suggest there isn't. Frank is played by the excellent Tom Selleck of Friends, Magnum P I and hearty moustache fame. He delivers a very convincing performance as the wise dad, always on hand to calm his various cop-kids down when they get mouthy. A constant source of reason, it's fair to say he is the glue that holds the family together.

Next up there is Danny. An impulsive and hot headed, ex army detective played by Donnie Wahlberg. The old kid on the block gives a competent performance but his last movies were both Saw movies where he played, you guessed it, a detective so this wasn't really anything new for him. The ticking time bomb that is the gangster punching, water boarding Danny contrasts nicely with level headed, sensible, deputy District Attorney, Erin (played by Bridget Moynahan). They are constantly battling over the word of the law versus the law of Danny's fists. You don't quite believe them as brother and sister but they share some pretty interesting and fairly thought provoking dialogue on some weighty themes - usually over the weekly Sunday roast.

Finally there is Jamie (Will Estes), the youngest of the children and main characters (there is a granddad and various grandchildren including a completely unreasonable teenager - something new and different there!). He is an Ivy League graduate who joined the force as a rookie after the death of, yet another, brother.

The show is generally fast paced with a new crime being solved every episode but unlike other crime dramas this one asks for a little bit more investment. In amongst the crime solving there is the small matter of a mysterious secret police society known only as the Blue Templar. Jamie the rookie has been asked by the FBI to infiltrate the society which has links to various family members including Grandpa Reagan and Detective Danny. However, most significantly is the possible link to his brother's death. At the moment Jamie is still not quite sure if he wants to get involved. It's been on since the beginning of February and his reluctance is still going strong which leads me to think that the makers are in this for the long game. If the quality holds up is no bad thing.

All in all I've thoroughly enjoyed getting stuck in to this one and given that the drama is based in the metropolis of New York City I don't think the writers will run out of inspiration when it comes to crimes to solve anytime soon.

This show gives the best of both worlds, you could just tune in and enjoy some classic police action or you can choose to immerse yourself in the overriding story of police corruption, secret societies and the terrifying New York crime underbelly.

So sit back and enjoy as this one swallows up your free time, I promise you won't miss it a bit.

Sun, Sex and Serious Programming?

Like many I’ve been watching BBC Three’s latest young, sexy, writhing, dumbfest Sun Sex and Suspicious Parents. The premise of this BBC Three classic is very simple. The cameras follow two groups of pre-uni teens on their first holidays away from their folks. The twist, as you may have guessed from the title, is that their parents are there the whole time watching as their beloved offspring drink, vomit and generally frolic their way around the Balearic Islands and other party haunts.

The parents then reveal themselves to the teens, who are generally completely mortified. The parents’ reaction tend to range between complete pride that their child didn’t disgrace their whole family on the BBC and completely losing their shit. In the last episode the mother couldn’t even look at her boy because the shame was just too much – to be fair he did spend the whole week getting his dick out and vomiting down himself.

My main issue with this programme is the parents. They are complete moddy coddlers who cant conceive of their beloved little cherubs drinking, partying or even, god forbid, having sex. Obviously I have no children so I can’t pass judgement, but seriously these people are ridiculous. Fish-bowl drinking, shot necking, dick showing fuckwits they may be but essentially these teens are adults (I use that term loosely – they’re over eighteen). They can do what they want and the parents need to really get to grips with this before they pack themselves off to university and the fun really begins.

It was an interesting idea and the programme delivers some pretty funny scenes. However, saucy viewing this is not. It’s a massive case of the advert selling a programme which is a lot tamer than you think. My only guess is that had they called it ‘Sun, Snogs and That’s About It’ it wouldn’t have accumulated any volume of viewing figures.

That’s one theory, the other is that the BBC with their wholesome public service remit couldn’t deliver the kind of filth possible to warrant the optimistic title. I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the teens in the programme were shagging their tits off the whole time. However that may not have been quite what the parents wanted to see. If it’s teens getting squired on the beach that you really want I suggest you hold out for the Channel Five version of this programme, you know that’s going to be dirt.

The other one that has got collective tongues wagging is Channel 4’s ‘The Joy Of Teen Sex’. Here we have another show masquerading as serious programming.

This one comes in a long line Channel 4 telly concentrating solely on sex. First we had The Sex Education Show, with Anna Richardson (you would), then we had the second series which took to the road and delved slightly deeper into peoples sex lives. Now we have The Joy Of Teen Sex which really is a no holes barred sexfest. Slowly but surely Channel 4 has gone from delivering programmes which could just about pass as educational viewing to frankly, pure filth.

The Joy Of Teen Sex falls into two distinct parts. One part concentrates on concerned teens with various sex based issues “my boyfriend cant stand my vagina” and “is my penis too small for anal sex?” were particularly memorable. Listening to these issues are a team of experts which are, to say the least, slightly spurious. First up there’s the obligatory doctor who tackles the medical issues. Next, the ‘sex expert’ – god only knows how she became an expert – she is possibly one of the most annoying people on television. She tends to whap out massive dildos and the like to the unsuspecting teens before showing DVD clips of models demonstrating ‘how to do doggy’. Finally we have a woman who ‘has a degree in social work’. This apparently makes her an expert, she chats to the teens about sex, but quite honestly she is so much like your plump, jolly aunty that discussing sex with her is the last thing I can imagine wanting to do.

The second part is the weekly adventures of a teen journalist called Billie Jodie Porter. She investigates various sexual related teen activities from web-sex to stripping. This wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for Billie herself. She is just so off putting. She is constantly wearing a bored, disapproving expression and is determined to have no fun. All you want her to do is crack a (non sarcastic) smile and prove to the audience that she isn’t a complete bitch. She reminds me of Peaches Geldof who also started out being a token ‘teen journalist’ and is now spending every waking moment snorting away Daddy’s money and having vacuous sex with shit musicians. So whilst Billie may seem to show nothing but contempt for the whole idea of sex that isn’t purely with the lights off, give it a few years and – just like Peaches - she’ll be hugely off putting….and a slag.

The two sections are stitched together with vox-pops from ‘average’ teens in the street. The stories of their sexual prowess range from funny, to shocking, to blatant lies. My personal favourite was the teen who professed “Orgies are what make life worth living”. He was the same guy who said he couldn’t remember who his first was because he slept with two people in one night. Forgive my cynicism but am I the only one who thinks this reeks of bullshit?

This programme is harmless enough, gratuitous as it may be, but it has caused a slight stir. The Guardian recently reported that doctors, social workers and proper sex experts have condemned the show as complete bollocks. It is bollocks, but it takes two minutes of viewing to realise that this is just soft porn with the occasional chlamydia test. It’s not big, it’s not clever but it’s not meant to be. It is exactly what it is; prime time filthy, dirty, sex. Let’s face it though, that’s what makes up 50% of the Channel 4 line up.

I have high hopes for the next series when Channel 4 will have done away with any semblance of education and just shows 45 minutes of teen rutting – though if you want that I guess you could always watch Skins.